HAPPINESS

I was just browsing the newspaper when I came across an advertisement on “Joy of giving week”I was left to wonder that we have become so selfish that a week has to be celebrated to teach us the joy of giving.So my thought process started working this way.I am always confused and frustrated when this question “What is happiness?”arises. Happiness ...everyone answers when asked what they would like in life. Where do we get happiness and when are we happy?.This question really has got a lot of answers.For a kid of 5 years its just a handful of sweets he/she wished ,as simple as that As we grow older our aspiration for things and ambitions grow that we never feel happy ,eventhough we have all the basic comforts. But even with the child after getting the sweets he wanted it starts waning, aspiring for other things .Its simple small things when we are young which grow to bigger things ,ambitions ,as we grow up. Ultimately its attitude,that matters. There used to be a cartoon in which a man goes searching for happiness and finally finds that he cant get it anywhere but within himself. There is a common belief that happiness is something that can be achieved and held on to it. We look forward to that time in which we can finally be happy, but it continually recedes. We want to get to the top of the Wheel of Life and stay there. When in high school, we think, "If I can just graduate then I will be happy." Graduation, however, is not fulfilling, and we decide "If I go to college then life will be better." But a college education does not bring happiness. Maybe it will come upon finding the right job, or getting married, or having children, or retiring. The goal remains elusive. The "happiness that lasts" is never found because it is actually impossible to get happy and stay happy. If life is based on obtaining happiness, then we will always fall short because life is always changing .what we think as happiness today is not happiness after a few days. Its far better to seek joy. Joy is related to happiness but it is a deep impression. For being happy one always is self entered but for joy this self centered feeling is not there. By helping the needy,by bringing joy in the life of a person. It may be nothing,just give water to a person who is thirsty..you can see the smile which immediately lights up your heart. Helping a blind person to cross the road makes you realize how lucky you are and this deed also gives joy which in turn makes you a person useful to society which brings happiness into you.
Joy is an experience which connects us to that which is "Greater" than we are. It connects us to the creative power that is more than the "I" or ego. Joy gets us out of ourselves and in contact with this "Other" and with others. Joy can sustain us throughout the four phases of life. I still don't know if what I think is correct .these are my own conclusions about happiness and joy.

LOST CHILDHOOD

I was watching the kids returning from school and there was so much of fun and frolic when they walked past. Only 10 minutes they were all out of their uniforms and back along with their school bags to coaching classes. I really wonder what there was to teach in kindergarten and primary schools that parents cannot teach. All their play hours grabbed by these tuition classes ,these children return tired .So no play at all. My daughter she had a big group and after school from 4P.M to 6 P.M it was chaos in our streets. At 6 O clock, you can hear the parents shout their kids names and it usually was drowned in the noise these sweety pies made. But now even though kids are there its always empty. Life will be colorless without these sweet angels and naughty imps around,but now its always studies and classes .With generations the play time has become so short and its always computer games these children play..I used to think that even my daughter missed a lot of enjoyments we had in our times. Studies were important but it did not occupy the majority of time. We did have holiday home works ,but we were asked to do in the afternoons when the sun was blazing and our parents did not want us out. Even then we played indoor games ...no computer or television which has now robbed the children of their beautiful playtime .I still remember the days we enjoyed. We use to breed bugs,yes it was small red velvety creatures. I still don't know the name but it was called velvet poochi by us. We had a bigger boy in our class who used to have a big box and was brave enough to catch the bugs from a crouton plant. The bug was ceremoniously fed five times a day. Whoever wanted a bug had to give something to him. I was always given four chocolates to eat at school ,two during interval and two during lunch. But I traded it with the bug. That was easy. Bringing it home and tending it was a difficult part. My mother she never used to scold .She was a soft person who always thought that children are children and they should be allowed to enjoy. When I showed her the bug she was shocked and she tried to convince me that my dad would surely blast me .but I was so adamant and I promised her that I would never take it out when my dad was around. During free hours in the class, we used to have a race with these bugs .Those sweet red velvety creatures would just try to run for their life as soon as we open the box but unfortunately after they reach the finishing point they will be put in the match box .Whoever wins will get the bug which lost. My bug was sluggish like me ,always in dazed state so I stopped racing as I did not want to part with it. Once when I was trying to feed the bugs my dad came up . I tried hiding the box. He asked me to show my hands and I just kept telling that nothing was there. He tried catching hold of my hand and the box fell open and the bugs (two)started running and I fell over it trying to catch,my mom was shocked and she was watching me and my angry father , moving in fours crawling behind the crawling bugs and I won I caught it. He slapped me and asked me to throw it out .I still remember the scene ,I held the bugs in the box close to my heart and started weeping refusing to part with it, my mother trying to cool my dad .It was such a scene that even now it comes in front my eyes. My sister who was just three years old then saw me weeping ,started weeping loudly thus ending the battle. Finally I had to give the bug to my friend to take care of it after school. So morning first job was to get the box from her and talk to my beautiful bug. Still its a mystery how blood oozing from your knuckles can be fun ,we just break the dry neem seed in knuckles,during this process you can see the blood oozing from your knuckles. I can never forget the gooseberries and corn we shared by cutting with half blade. When years passed and when we were in eight standard bugs weren't amusing then it was butterflies,catching caterpillars ,feeding them mulberry leaves,then watching the stages till the new butterfly took to its wings.Ofcourse we had to keep it away from ants and we lost quiet many pupae because of the ants which sent me heart broken .My mother decided to tell a strict No after seeing the way I wept for the loss of fireflies,bugs and butterflies........
Coming back to present ,I feel these little angels are missing so much of fun. I don't know why these parents never think, fresh air and playing together too teaches them a lot in life .I just feel sad for them that the beautiful part of childhood is passed without any entertainment.

The big black cat ,our saviour :)

I won’t say even now that I am a good cook but I do know that I was the worst when I got married. Whatever I tried cooking ….It was complete disaster. Never once I remember doing anything really palatable. We went to our parents house and I saw my mother making milk sweet.We call it palgoa in Tamil and to my surprise it was soooo easy that I decided to try it on my husband as soon as I came back to Kalpakkam. I just made a mental note of ingredients, just a liter of milk a cup of sugar and a handful of butter and mix everything and keep it boiling till it gets solid…how easy it is .So when we were back from Madurai my first job was to start this experiment and I was very confident that I can do it awfully well as I told you ,nothing really was great about making that sweet. So I started on my venture. I poured the milk added the ingredients and the mixture started boiling. I was really excited that this would be the successful outcome in my four months of married life. It did turn out well, the color and it started getting thick. I thought of removing the pan after sometime. I removed the pan and it was awesome. I was proud of it and decided to check it after it cooled. I thought my husband would surely be surprised..because by the way I had shown my culinary skills ,he did not even have an iota of hope that I will ever graduate in cooking leave alone expertise. I went to check out the sweet with all pride.I was really shocked ,the ladle refused to move from the sweet and I tried forcing and it did not move. I tried pulling and the outcome was the ladle came along with the pan. Inseparable! just like my poor husband stuck to me. I thought I would remove the traces and just not tell him about my failure. To my dismal the ladle refused to part from the pan. I think it did believe in marriage oaths and did not move even a inch. Preparation of sweet was an hour and this agony was not solved even after my three hours of battle. It was 6 o clock and my dear husband was back from office. He really was shocked to see me so tired and depressed .I explained him everything and on seeing the united pan and ladle, he could not help laughing and I ,poor me could not help weeping. It was a big blow to my ego ,always a failure in kitchen was too much. My husband started showing his strength in separating the pan and ladle.No way he also failed in separating the loving pair.we dismissed it and seeing my disappointed look, my husband said that we can have masala dosa in shopping complex (the only place where you got something to eat in kalpakkam and it was very nice..even now we miss it),probably he wasn’t ready to face another disaster in the name of dinner. So we went off leaving the sweet things to themselves. My husband added some water to it so that we could try after coming back. We came back after three hours. My first visit was to the kitchen and I screamed seeing a big black cat licking its paws .My husband came running to see what had happened and after driving the cat out we saw to our surprise that the cat had really licked the pan clean and it had somehow given divorce to the pan and ladle. Its now I know that there is something called consistency in making sweets and you have to remove from fire at the exact time otherwise you always have hardened stones instead of sweets. Finally my dear husband heaved a sigh of relief and said we have to see if that cat was alive or dead in our backyard.Ofcourse I did not give up,I took the help of my friends and somehow learnt making some sweets fairly palatable, not to mention I had a lot of failures too. My husbands friend used to say that it can be dug and preserved so that it can give evidence to people belonging to next era….how people were killed by eating sweets made by some people, he went to the extent of telling that even my name can be engraved in the sweet before burying!!!!!!!

Some tamil poetries scribbling

யார் சொன்னார்கள் இரவில் சூரியன் வராது என்று
எங்கள் வீட்டுக்கு வந்தது
ஒளிமயமாகவும் ஒலிமயமாகவும்
தாயாய் , சகோதரியாய்,குழந்தையாய்
சந்தோசமாய் சுற்றியது....இப்போது
செயற்கை ஒளியில் இருக்கிறோம்
இயற்கை ஒளி எபோது வரும் என்று
எங்கள் அன்பு மகளை ஊருக்கு வழி அனுப்பிவிட்டு!!!!!


காதல் ஒருவனை கைப்பிடித்து
மணவறையில் மணம்முடித்து
புகுந்த வீடு வந்தால் பெண்
வந்ததும் கணவனிடம் சொன்னால்
தந்தையாகவும் தாயாகவும் நான் இருக்க
உன்தந்தையும் தாயும் எதற்கு என்று
அவனும் அதையே சொன்னான் அவளிடம்
கோபம்கொண்டு தாயகம் திரும்பினாள்
இங்கு ஆணுக்கு ஒரு நியாயம்
பெண்ணுக்கு ஒரு நியாயம் தான்
பாரத நாட்டில் பெண்ணுக்கு சுதந்திரம் இல்லை
என்று யார் சொன்னார்கள் ?!!



கனவுகள் கண்டிருக்கிறேன்
வானத்து நீலத்தை எடுத்து
அழகான கவிதை ஒன்றுவரைய வேண்டும் என்று
கனவுகள் கண்டிருக்கிறேன்
அற்புதமான கதை ஒன்றை
எழுதவேண்டும் என்று
கனவுகள் கண்டிருக்கிறேன்
வார்த்தைகள் என் நாவில்
விளையாட வேண்டும் என்று
ஒன்றுமே என்னை கேளாமல்
அவர் கொடுத்தார்
அழகான காவியமான என் வாழ்வில்
அற்புதமான கதையாக என் கணவரையும்
அழகிய வார்த்தைகளாக என்
தங்க மகளையும் ....
கனவுகளை விட எனக்கு
நிஜங்கள் சுவையானவையே என்றென்றும்....

என் மடியில் குழந்தையாய்
நீ விழுந்த போது உன்
கள்ளமில்லா சிரிப்பை ரசித்தேன் வியந்தேன்
பின் என் விரல் பிடித்து
நீ மழலை பேசி நடந்த போது
உன் பேச்சினை ரசித்தேன் வியந்தேன்
வளர்ந்த பின் உன் பயன்களை கூறி
நீ அழும்போதும் மீண்டும் போராட
எழும் உன் மனோதிடத்தை
ரசித்தேன் வியந்தேன்....
நான் என்றும் பதிலை நின்றேன்
உன் ஓயாத கேள்விகளுக்கு
உன் கேள்விகளை கேட்டு ரசித்தேன்
இப்போது வளர்ந்து குமரியாய் நிற்கிறாய்
இன்றும் ரசிக்கிறேன் வியக்கிறேன்
உன் மனதிடத்தை உன் ஓயாத உழைப்பை
உன் உதவும் திரத்தை கண்டு
thaayaga அல்ல ஒரு manaviyaaga
இப்போது vazhaiyin padathirku
badhilaai நீ nirkirai naan kelviyaai
ipodhum வியக்கிறேன் எனக்கும் evalavu
azhaiya மலர் எப்படி வந்தது என்று ....

Empty-nest syndrome and me :)

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I have read about "Empty nest syndrome" but never thought it can be true.You have to experience things to know about it.Empty-nest syndrome is the name given to a psychological condition that can affect a woman around the time that one or more of her children leave home.It's not a term you'll find in many medical text books, but it has become a useful phrase for encapsulating the feelings of sadness and loss that many women experience when their children no longer live with them or need day-to-day care.It's most common in autumn, when vast numbers of teenagers have just left home for college or university.It can also happen when a child gets married, because matrimony is a clear signal that Mum is no longer needed in the same way she once was.When my mom used to tell me that she missed and misses me a lot ,I never gave a big thought to it.That's why I am telling that you have to undergo the situation to know about it.when my daughter was born, it was like a bundle of joy,a small angel always with me demanding most of my time.My whole life started revolving around her.It was always my daughter,which held the top in our priority list . slowly my angel also started growing up but it was always me she used to turn up when she had any problems or when she wanted to know something.It was always mom knows the best.I never thought a day will come which may change the way things are being looked at.It was the time she had to enter college.We left her in college hostel.My stomach stated feeling funny.I started feeling bad .Even though I knew that I was leaving her in hostel I never thought it can cause so many feelings inside me.I would say it all started a week before and I even felt like asking my daughter whether I can stay in Chennai and she can always stay with me. I was very proud that my daughter was very bold not to show her tears ,even though I surely know she would have also felt the pain.I was also surprised about myself because that was the first time since she was born ,I was leaving her alone or was it I was separated from her but I was strong enough not to show my emotions. When we got into the car and we came out of the hostel into roads I wept and my husband told ...what is this, its just just an hour travel to chennai from kalpakkam and why are you so sad.You can talk to her over the phone but i knew he was also feeling bad.We came to my parents house .My mom told me it was natural ,I can understand your pain,You will be alright soon.I still remember I could not sleep a wink.I kept turning and tossing and it was my daughter who was in my mind and I was worried whether she will eat her breakfast properly ..etc.You don't need any reason to start worrying.We were to meet her in college after her first day and come back to kalpakkam.I was watching the clock and my mom was telling me that sounderya will be having a great time with her new friends and she is just going to wave her hands.Time seems to go in a slow pace.Now I knew the pain.The syndrome called empty nest too.After I saw my daughter we came to kalpakkam.I could see I was always occupied in her thoughts and it really made me feel lonely and depressed.I calmed myself trying to sort out things.I felt we as parents tend to always think that the children are solely dependent on us.We just fail to notice that they too grow up and they actually despise being told to do things the way we want.then I realised I have to control my emotions.Now that I have taught my daughter the good and bad,I should also allow her to mingle with the society so that she will learn to deal things.If I do not keep my feelings in check, I will always expect her to be near me during her weekend,to keep on reminding her to do this and that which is going to stand in her way of taking decisions.then I thought if I ever want my child to be a better individual I have to grow wise.So I just wrote these things which appeared in a magazine in a paper and read daily whenever I felt like calling her.
When your child leaves home, you'll obviously want to keep in touch with him or her. But don't try and do this excessively.Be sensitive to the fact that your son or daughter is trying to take a big, significant step in life - which isn't actually much to do with you.Your offspring will need your support, but will not want to feel swamped. And the more you cling or show that you're upset, the less likelihood there is of him or her contacting you.Ration your calls to no more than two a week. Also, try texting or using email instead of phoning. You'll be able to put your feelings succinctly without getting too emotional.This form of communication will probably suit your child better, too. It's much easier for a young person to say 'I really miss you' in a message rather than on the phone, when other students might be listening.If your child is having a miserable time at university or college, do resist the impulse to be pleased about this! And don't suggest that he or she gives up and comes home.Plenty of teenagers are very miserable and lonely for a couple of weeks, but they deal with it. And that is a great accomplishment.So be supportive, but don't sort everything for them - and certainly don't try to bring them back home.
Believe me that's what I did and that's what it is even now.My daughter ,now a young lady still my angel turns to me when she is depressed .She always asks me what to do and how to do things,but she is happy we are not those parents who keep a watch always.She decides.After all its her life and she has to decide.Wearing her shoes I just ask myself, will I like my parents telling me this and when it is a NO I don't tell her.I am sure she can never waver and fall into a wrong path as we have taught the goods in life.and she also knows her responsibility.Even without my telling she calls when she goes somewhere.I think children just love you when you have confidence in them.Anyway I cannot say this is the right way to parenting as I maybe right ,may be wrong...no mathematical formulas work here....was just talking my heart about Empty nest.when parents who are ready to send their kids to hostel talk to me about their fears,I always tell them this,the points I had followed.Maybe they think I am crazy .Anyway it worked good for me.

Walking down with nature

Exercise...one word which is not in my dictionary.First my husband told me rather requested that I should try doing breathing exercise ,which helps a lot and a bit of yoga which gives a peaceful start to the day.I am very adamant about these things.You can ask me to stop drinking juice or eating icecream, I can never exercise .My simple excuse was that i will feel tired after exercising.I should confide that I have never tried ,to tell him that tired business.So he just gave in knowing it was an impossible attempt.Then came another method.He said ,you dont have to do these things we can walk just walk.....WALK ME!!!!I go to the temple ,market ,then walk to and fro inside our house .Is that not walking ?I will feel tired and my legs will ache.When do you want me to walk?was my question with a look which would have told my dear husband that he was just trying to move a rock.He said morning walks are refreshing ,good for health.You will also get freed from rigidness of bones and muscles.I just stared at him as if he had asked me to murder someone.Me ,get up in the morning.Oh god thats impossible.I love that part of sleep .My immediate excuse was- dont i have to cook for you...he said you finish your cooking in one hour and whats the problem.No,I wont have the energy to finish the work rest of the day as if i have lots of work to do andI will be tired.You dont want to do somethings excuses just starts flowing into your mind.I dont know about others ,it is like that for me.Pitying him I gave in. I will try and see once.I set my alarm at 5.15 am muttering that its a time to sleep in peace .Morning along with the alarm my husband got up ,trying to wake me.I just opened my eyes and said no wayI am not in this game and fell asleep.He knew its like making me shut up...its very difficult to wake me up too that too for a walk.So unsuccessful he stopped telling me.I dont know what happened but one day when I saw the mist and chillness ,I decided I should walk and enjoy it .So out of the blue I said while going to bed.... I am coming for walk tomorrow.You know what he said ,no I have decided to continue later as its cold and I will catch cold and headache.Then probably he thought why to miss this opportunity,after all people this lazy duck wants to walk...ok if you are keen we can go but I doubt if you will get up.That triggered the whole thing,what I will if I want to.So I got up and ofcourse I walked.Believe me friends,we miss quiet a lot of things in nature.It was calm and cool.The misty morning with sea water so still and clouds turning red .Nature is always in different colors and shades,it is not same sometimes the black clouds engulf the sea,sometimes waves roaring,sometimes still.I even started enjoying the sight of the fishing boats eagerly trying to get a good catch,the newspaper boys chatting among themselves ,the birds qued up near the backwaters leaving me in wonder what for they are waiting and that too so early and it goes on and on.you have to see to enjoy.ofcourse its difficult to wake up but once you fall in tune with it, its easy. Ithink we are really missing beautiful feelings and things around us.Exercise...who told you I am exercising... ME no way...I am just enjoying mother nature.
I read this poem in net
By Giovanna A. Scotti
It is so wonderful that we have nature to explore,I imagine without nature life would be a bore,Watching a caterpillar become a cocoon,Knowing that a butterfly will emerge soon,Seeing tadpoles that become frogs,Finding salamanders under rotted logs,Birds, fish, ants, and squirrels by the ton,Rock crystals that gleam in the high noon sun,Springtime brings baby geese fluffy and adorable,Not being able to see them would be horrible,Leaves full of color falling to the ground,And not as many hummingbirds and butterflies flying around,Now don't you see....Without nature we just wouldn't be!!!!

HIDE AND SEEK

According to me,morning is the time which needs lot of patience and concentration.Not that I cannot finish my work in time but because I always have a fear that I might delay things that may result in my husband going to office late.I was packing my husbands lunch and I heard my husbands voice ..Mangala,there is only one black sock .Where is the other one?Oh God ,not again and I ran over to see if I could trace the lost one.But to my disgust it was not there and I had to give him another pair .So after he left to office I kept wondering,how inanimate things manage to vanish.It is really a wonder than P.C. Sarkar's vanishing act.I could never trace the black socks.Then comes the handkerchiefs.You buy a dozen but it just vanishes .I always have a doubt if my husband loses it in office.Sometimes when I wash I retrieve them from his pant pockets.Whenever it is a pair I invariably find that it gets divorced and I am always left with one sock,one glove......my thought process comes to an end with the telephone ring.Its my father.He wants me to note down a number .I look around and find I have the note pad but the pen??? I look in the pen stand.Where has it gone ?I search for the pencil which I remember seeing even the day before.But that too is missing .I remember taking it to solve sudoku .Probably left it in the dining table ,but it wasn't there .Where in heavens do these things disappear?The other day when I had to note down an address,I was happy to get the pen but my notebook was missing.Here again,I think they also do have an argument among themselves and vanish.Sometimes I have realised that even if the pen is there it wont write.I don't know the experience of others but for me when we start somewhere and think of locking the suitcase i am always faced with a problem.I have a tin box with many locks and keys but none suits.aha I buy a new one and it is always that either the key is lost or lock is lost.so I am just surprised by the way these things lose their partner and stay single.They just runaway into the wonderland to share Alice's adventures or to have tea with mad hatter perhaps.Now after saving this article just taking the thumb drive I realise , oh my god not again ,its lid missing perhaps gone to tea.