A FATHERS LOVE

Usually there is a saying that marriages are made in heaven but mine was discussed during dinner in the dining table. That was when my father broke the news. They had decided everything and wanted to tell me no no it was information. They thought my response would be a happy blush and a smile and usual yes…as I always do what I am told. Here I have to tell you all about my sister. Six years younger to me but we were always together and my mother used to joke that we were inseparable twin but have a gap of 6 years. She was /is still very attached to me. We talk argue and fight but we never allowed even our parents to interfere. I was a very poor eater my sister had to eat everything I couldn’t finish to save me from my parents temper. My mother came to know about this only after our marriage and she was really shocked.. It was our usual dinner time, and it was a habit in our house to have dinner together. We were frightened of our father as he was a perfectionist. so we generally ate silently unless and otherwise my dad started some story or joked about something that took place in office. Actually he had the radio on, only if he had anything important to discuss he switched it off. That was a rare thing as everything was decided by him. That day the radio was switched off. My father started- Mangala do you Venkat mamas brother?…he came to our house last week. My sister interrupted- oh that short man Mangala who wore a bell bottom pants. I saw tension in my fathers eye and stared at her. and she kept her mouth shut. I told him ya u told me he works for nuclear plant in kalpakkam. Yes my father stopped and looking at me he said- we have decided to get you married to that boy. He is a nice man blah blah it continued but nothing got into my ears. I was shocked, marriage me, I was just asking myself -he decided to get me married am I not the one to be asked. But I never said a word but started weeping.My sister was worked up and asked my father why he wanted to send me out of the house. So she went away worried that she will be missing me and my support when she was naughty. The so expected happy scenario was a flop.I got up washed my hands and took a book and settled down thinking. my mom came after all her work was over and she started asking me why I wept? I told her that first place I did not want to get married.She said you don’t decide that you just tell me if you dislike this man we will see some other person. that itself implied if I tell them I don’t like Nagarajan they will tell they know better and all positive qualities. How can I judge a person whom I have never seen or talked? My mom replied that she heard he is a nice ,soft spoken and very simple person. I just kept quiet as I knew now that they had decided they were in it. I lost my usual enthusiasm and always answered in one syllable when my mother talked .she was really worried. She tried to reason with me. The day after next my father announced that the boy was to come to our house. I was actually very angry and nervous. but I was surprised to know that the boy wanted to know if I was agreeable to this marriage. He also told my father that he wanted to talk to me. My father came in and with a stern look said that I have to say a yes as I should know that he does everything for my best. My mom defended me saying that I always agreed to anything they said. My father said…but her eyes are enough to say she isn’t .so when Nagarajan talked at least I was happy that he respected my opinion, and came to know later that we both shared common interests. So it was what will be will be.My marriage was to take place only after a year, so I had lot of instances to know him better. But I was really frightened in my heart.I was just hoping he wasn’t like my father and my friends also made me jumpy telling a man was always different before marriage its only after marriage you come to know the real person (that I can tell now that women folk are also that way).When my husband asked me whether I knew to cook ,two days of our wedding, I told him frankly NO.(actually even my mother pleaded with me I refused to learn), and I was really shocked by his response as I thought either he will advice me to learn before we started for kalpakkam or a WHAT???he coolly said-don’t worry we will buy a cookery book and both of us will try together. wow a yes got me a very good person and I should complete a yes from nagarajan really got him a very immature and conservative girl who always thought that her father was a Hitler (I don’t deny he is male chauvinist as anyone in his generation)and failed to see the loving person he was within. After 10 years of our marriage when I was with my parents and when my father lost his temper and shouted.,I told my mother my Nagarajan is not like appa he will always listen to both sides of the conversation.My father started laughing and seeing the puzzled look in my face asked me- and who really selected you your patient nagarajan.Yes I told my dad this is the very best gift you have given me and I am really thankful.He quickly smiled and told- you are the apple of my eye how will I ever err. Being a mother now I now know how immature I was .I can also now tell that mothers love is very expressive whereas fathers love is always hidden.Even my daughter used to tell me you tell me many times I never feel the pain but when dad tells just once I feel the stab.His stern looks and anger is not because he dislikes his child but because he is unable to bear any pain inflicted in them when a failure comes. Behind those stern looks are tears and love for his kid. When I went to Tambaram last month I wanted coffee ,so I went to light the gas my father stood near me as he does whenever I go near the stove.He started first by telling me to rest and he would bring coffee. I refused, and he said -don’t touch the vessel its hot…I stated laughing telling him I was 44 years and not a kid (had it been 20 years back I would have reacted with a rage in my eyes what I don’t know kind of look).He smiled you are still a kid to me .so I left the place and settled in a chair near him and started talking. When he gave coffee, I asked him why only coffee I am hungry. I was really enjoying the look in his eyes and he started telling shall I make upuma, bajji or bonda..You eat these biscuits….oh my god who else will pamper you other than your parents.I think fathers love just goes unnoticed as mother is always portrayed as a sacrificing figure.
I only remember this poem i had read long time back
A Father's love for his offspring,
Is just like that of a solid gold ring.
No matter what, it is unending,
Never breaking; though.. sometimes bending.

His love is as strong as a mother's; although...
Due to his personality, it sometimes doesn't show.
There is no question of how strong..
Or of its lasting...however long.