ITS ULTIMATELY HOW WE LOOK AT THINGS

Really life is a good teacher. You learn quite a lot from it. Many kinds of people make the world. Some selfish, some generous, some miserly….it goes on. Everyone behaves the way they behave because of their past experiences. My father had a friend who was a real miser. He never spent even for essential things. His son and daughter are earning hefty sums in an IT concern Still. I asked him the reason…he told me that he lost his father when he was 10 years old and his mother had to struggle to bring up himself, his brother and sister. Finally his brother got a job in Mumbai and self in LIC and then they got their sister married. Those days girls weren’t educated and they had to depend on some uncle or cousin which was really a very bad condition.He told…"I know the value of money., but you are a princess in your house and your father just gets you anything you spell out(eventhough he is protective and dominating,he has never said a no to anything we asked) so you just don’t know how cruel life can be and the value of money". I then asked my father "Why he was a spendthrift, even after so many battles in his life?". He has also gone through many difficult phases like his friend. He gave me a different answer. "You see, I had a rough journey in the beginning and also for some time after I got a job. But after settling down and I could breathe I was really happy. When you were born and with mother working we did have problems, but my only wish was I should keep my children very happy…they should enjoy life. Money comes money goes but for certain things we have to spend, if that will make someone happy". Similar situations, both have experienced; but similar experiences taught them both different lessons. I know another friend whose parents never had a good understanding between them. They always fought and it was always chaos at home. She used to come crying to me. I always told her that nothing can be changed and she has to face it. That, She did not have any choice. Even though she wept she was strong within .Now she is married and has a kid. She had invited me for her child’s first birthday. I asked her if she was happy. And she told, " of course and I know how I should not be a bad wife to my husband and a bad mom to my kid". But her brother was very weak in mind and he has been mentally afflicted. Another friend of my father had two sons. My father's friend and his wife too had a lot of misunderstanding and he used to ill-treat his wife a lot. After his marriage, their elder son was like his father, a male chauvinist, whereas the younger son was different. Having seen his mother suffer, he wanted his wife also to have a say. So it’s ultimately how we see things that matter. I happened to meet one of my childhood friends a few months back. Actually she was very rich and was married to a business man. She invited us to her house. It was really a big independent house and well maintained. I was really happy to see her bubbling and her husband too was very friendly. When we asked how his business was moving, we were in for a surprise. He said that he has quit business. He earlier had a business partner of same age as he is who died suddenly. This came as a shock to him. He said he started to see life differently. He said "I just watch as everything happens as it is destined .I have enough wealth to support my family and so I don’t work .I try to remain unaffected by things happening around". I asked my friend how she feels; she told me "I cannot change him, no other option but to keep quiet. Sometimes I do get irritated". Because he had a lot of property there was not much problem running the household. We can term it as laziness or is he a yogi?!!!!!!. But my friend's son behaved in a similar way.He was 28 years and he has done MBA.But he refused to go for a job .He got quiet a lot of opportunities with really a handsome salary. But he refused saying some reason or other. His argument was " I am content by praying God and everything is happening as per destiny and I am an observer". We advised him because we conisdered him to be impracical. Because our efforts proved futile, we took him to a psychiatrist. Now I look at it in a different way. Why did we not think that my friend's husband who has turned philosophical needs psychiatric treatment and flet the same way as this young MBA? Was it because of money? This man could support his family because of the wealth he had whereas this young boy wasn’t rich. Same ideas but we attribute differnt meanings to similar behaviour. The way we see them was different. My mother, she was always a friend to me . We used to talk about everything under the sky. It is only now , at this age, I am able to converse with my father that way- but still certain limitations are there .I really miss her.When I was 10 years old, once I got my ankle sprained badly. The pain was terrible. My mother applied turpentine and was asking me to eat food. I was weeping and I told her that it hurt me terribly and I don’t feel like eating.She was talking to me softly (she always does that way)and she told me in a matter of fact tone, "Do you know darling, that absence of pain itself is a pain for a lame man. This pain will go off in two days .Be patient". I got angry, I raised my voice and told her "it’s my foot"…She knew from my tone that I was feeling bad and gave me a painkiller and made me sleep. I went to school after two days. I saw a blind man making chairs.He was there always, but this time as I noticed, my mother's words "absence of pain" rang in my ears .Now I understood the meaning. I knew that I was lucky enough and he was blind by chance and not out of option. That is when I learnt the first lesson of helping others when they needed. Earlier when the blind man wanted to cross the road I used to just go off with my friends with a "someone will help them" attitude (I have mentioned this many times to my mom and she used to tell me "because they need help ,they are asking. Ddon’t treat them like this". But I was just 10 years old).Now I started thinking, why not me. So she made me see the world differently. Thanks to her that I try to do something. Even before her death she told me, " I don’t want ceremonies to be conducted on my death day, just give the orphans a nice meal or buy them clothes and books. Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think."
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.