MARRIAGE

I was reading an article in newspaper that lots of divorces has been recorded in Tamilnadu among newly weds.Marriages are made in heaven right but to make it work both have to strive.all types of people make the world. actually if you see ,incompatibility has always been there.you can never expect two different people to think alike.But there was lot of tolerance and in worse cases too divorces weren’t popular due to the fear of society and financial dependence. But now you have education and independence but we have lost tolerance.That's the main reason for divorce.It is fair for someone being harassed or beaten up to ask for a divorce but for trivial reasons its ridiculous.My friend's son got engaged to a girl and after engagement they started seeing each other.so one evening while they were having tea the boy has told his idea of buying a flat and the girl has said that she cant help much as she has decided to give her salary to her mother till her sister ,now in third year of engineering settles for a job.The boy was not happy and the marriage was called off I also know another friend of ours whose marriage was called off because she did not want compromise on her career and most important she wanted to eat non veg while the boy was a pure vegetarian.The beautiful part is they both selected each other and they had known each other for a year. Thank god these two cases split up before marriage. I am only reminded of Robert frost west running brook… When all the other country brooks flow east
to reach the ocean? It must be the brook
can trust itself to go by contraries
the way I can with you -- and you with me –
Its contraries that makes life interesting. And we have to adjust and not take the other for granted. Husbands or wives dominate ,the other surrenders. I wont agree that surrender gives absolute happiness as a bitterness always rest in ones heart which surfaces now and then when depressed or angry. Marrying does not give one the right to curtail the others interest .talents or freedom. According to me its understanding each others likes and dislikes…respecting the sentiments even if it runs in reverse direction that is important. Only after marriage you come to know the negative side of the person and it really makes many disappointed. If we accept people as they are this won’t happen. It’s same with friends too. We have a small understanding like I never make morning coffee…it’s my husband who makes it. I never insisted or asked him to but it just became a habit…so when dad visits me ,earlier he used to get irritated (as according to him women were to serve) but now he knows whatever he says I am not going to change, so he teases about it, he always comments he does not understand the logic behind it. No logic just happiness. Then its just unwritten law, if I arrange the table before dinner he will clear...i don’t mind even if he does’t clear but he wants to...so O.K. when I visit people and when the wife has to wait, serve, clean and clear I just wish he helps her.Just small things make a world of happiness…Sure he has his own ideas of life, doing things and me my own and we never agree on many issues .we always talk and discuss about the pros and cons before taking a decision and that is how marriage works out for many people…its just tolerance and understanding and respecting each other that makes marriage clicks. No surrender, just compromise. When the boy wants the girl to treat his parents as hers the same is true for him too. A support from the boy when the girl has to make some career options will surely make her happy and confident. Nowadays both of them have aims and goals and they want to pursue them .Nothing wrong in supporting each other.
As khalil Gibran says
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.