Exercise...one word which is not in my dictionary.First my husband told me rather requested that I should try doing breathing exercise ,which helps a lot and a bit of yoga which gives a peaceful start to the day.I am very adamant about these things.You can ask me to stop drinking juice or eating icecream, I can never exercise .My simple excuse was that i will feel tired after exercising.I should confide that I have never tried ,to tell him that tired business.So he just gave in knowing it was an impossible attempt.Then came another method.He said ,you dont have to do these things we can walk just walk.....WALK ME!!!!I go to the temple ,market ,then walk to and fro inside our house .Is that not walking ?I will feel tired and my legs will ache.When do you want me to walk?was my question with a look which would have told my dear husband that he was just trying to move a rock.He said morning walks are refreshing ,good for health.You will also get freed from rigidness of bones and muscles.I just stared at him as if he had asked me to murder someone.Me ,get up in the morning.Oh god thats impossible.I love that part of sleep .My immediate excuse was- dont i have to cook for you...he said you finish your cooking in one hour and whats the problem.No,I wont have the energy to finish the work rest of the day as if i have lots of work to do andI will be tired.You dont want to do somethings excuses just starts flowing into your mind.I dont know about others ,it is like that for me.Pitying him I gave in. I will try and see once.I set my alarm at 5.15 am muttering that its a time to sleep in peace .Morning along with the alarm my husband got up ,trying to wake me.I just opened my eyes and said no wayI am not in this game and fell asleep.He knew its like making me shut up...its very difficult to wake me up too that too for a walk.So unsuccessful he stopped telling me.I dont know what happened but one day when I saw the mist and chillness ,I decided I should walk and enjoy it .So out of the blue I said while going to bed.... I am coming for walk tomorrow.You know what he said ,no I have decided to continue later as its cold and I will catch cold and headache.Then probably he thought why to miss this opportunity,after all people this lazy duck wants to walk...ok if you are keen we can go but I doubt if you will get up.That triggered the whole thing,what I will if I want to.So I got up and ofcourse I walked.Believe me friends,we miss quiet a lot of things in nature.It was calm and cool.The misty morning with sea water so still and clouds turning red .Nature is always in different colors and shades,it is not same sometimes the black clouds engulf the sea,sometimes waves roaring,sometimes still.I even started enjoying the sight of the fishing boats eagerly trying to get a good catch,the newspaper boys chatting among themselves ,the birds qued up near the backwaters leaving me in wonder what for they are waiting and that too so early and it goes on and on.you have to see to enjoy.ofcourse its difficult to wake up but once you fall in tune with it, its easy. Ithink we are really missing beautiful feelings and things around us.Exercise...who told you I am exercising... ME no way...I am just enjoying mother nature.
I read this poem in net
By Giovanna A. Scotti
It is so wonderful that we have nature to explore,I imagine without nature life would be a bore,Watching a caterpillar become a cocoon,Knowing that a butterfly will emerge soon,Seeing tadpoles that become frogs,Finding salamanders under rotted logs,Birds, fish, ants, and squirrels by the ton,Rock crystals that gleam in the high noon sun,Springtime brings baby geese fluffy and adorable,Not being able to see them would be horrible,Leaves full of color falling to the ground,And not as many hummingbirds and butterflies flying around,Now don't you see....Without nature we just wouldn't be!!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
HIDE AND SEEK
According to me,morning is the time which needs lot of patience and concentration.Not that I cannot finish my work in time but because I always have a fear that I might delay things that may result in my husband going to office late.I was packing my husbands lunch and I heard my husbands voice ..Mangala,there is only one black sock .Where is the other one?Oh God ,not again and I ran over to see if I could trace the lost one.But to my disgust it was not there and I had to give him another pair .So after he left to office I kept wondering,how inanimate things manage to vanish.It is really a wonder than P.C. Sarkar's vanishing act.I could never trace the black socks.Then comes the handkerchiefs.You buy a dozen but it just vanishes .I always have a doubt if my husband loses it in office.Sometimes when I wash I retrieve them from his pant pockets.Whenever it is a pair I invariably find that it gets divorced and I am always left with one sock,one glove......my thought process comes to an end with the telephone ring.Its my father.He wants me to note down a number .I look around and find I have the note pad but the pen??? I look in the pen stand.Where has it gone ?I search for the pencil which I remember seeing even the day before.But that too is missing .I remember taking it to solve sudoku .Probably left it in the dining table ,but it wasn't there .Where in heavens do these things disappear?The other day when I had to note down an address,I was happy to get the pen but my notebook was missing.Here again,I think they also do have an argument among themselves and vanish.Sometimes I have realised that even if the pen is there it wont write.I don't know the experience of others but for me when we start somewhere and think of locking the suitcase i am always faced with a problem.I have a tin box with many locks and keys but none suits.aha I buy a new one and it is always that either the key is lost or lock is lost.so I am just surprised by the way these things lose their partner and stay single.They just runaway into the wonderland to share Alice's adventures or to have tea with mad hatter perhaps.Now after saving this article just taking the thumb drive I realise , oh my god not again ,its lid missing perhaps gone to tea.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Introspection
I was chatting with my friend and he told me that he was making a list about what he likes.I told him it was very simple and why at all someone should list them.He said he wanted to list 50 but could list only 25.He said that I can also try.Its self introspection.This word really hooked me.It really made me wonder what that word really meant.English is a language where you have nice synonyms.So I went about browsing the word introspection....I came across real interesting facts and meanings...Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul. It can also be called contemplation of one's self, and is contrasted with extrospection, the observation of things external to one's self. Introspection may be used synonymously with self-reflection and used in a similar way.
While I was browsing I came across an interesting finding that Henri Poincare - the great French Scientist who was the Grand-Father of Chaos Theory and co-discoverer of Special Relativity Theory - was also interested in the way his own mind worked. He gave a talk about his observations in 1908 at the Institute of General Psychology in Paris. He clearly linked his way of thinking to how he made his scientifical discoveries.
His mental organization was not only interesting to him but also to Toulouse, a psychologist of the Psychology Laboratory of the School of Higher Studies in Paris. Toulouse wrote a book called Henri Poincaré which was published in 1910. Toulouse noted that Poincaré never spent a long time on a problem since he believed that the subconscious would continue working on the problem while he worked on another problem.(wow this is a lovely theory)
Poincare was originally a mathematician - he performed better in mathematics than all the other students at the prestigious Ecole Polytechnique - but he believed that logic was just a way to structure ideas not to make scientific discoveries. He strongly opposed the philosophical views of Bertrand Russell when he said in his book Science and Hypothesis:
"For a superficial observer, scientific truth is beyond the possibility of doubt; the logic of science is infallible..."
For Henri Poincaré, the way the Real World is working cannot be deduced just from Logics. For him, Mathematics is not Science, it's just an abstraction tool.
Unfortunately today, Bertrand Russell's point of view seems to dominate for today many people do implicitly consider mathematical theorems as Truth in Reality. Since his viewpoint was lost against Bertrand Russell's, it is not astonishing that Shewhart and Deming claimed they have much difficulty to teach their philosophy to the Americans because they said the US Engineers did think Quality Control was just about doing Mathematics whereas Probability was only a mathematical tool inside their theory. Their theory was not just about statistical formulas - these latters were already invented centuries ago - but about how NOT to apply them !I wish all people would do their own introspection. By doing this they may open their mind to true knowledge for information is not knowledge: it must be processed like a raw material. As we are overloaded by informations in our modern world, this process is all the more necessary.
Coming back to the discussion .....when he told me I was least interested I felt it was waste of time but after my extensive browsing,I decided to try it out and I sat down to prepare a list...it real was very interesting...I started thinking and started living my likes too.....why don't you people try .After reading this I know you sure will.I should really thank my friend for bringing the word SELF INTROSPECTION into my mind........ :)
While I was browsing I came across an interesting finding that Henri Poincare - the great French Scientist who was the Grand-Father of Chaos Theory and co-discoverer of Special Relativity Theory - was also interested in the way his own mind worked. He gave a talk about his observations in 1908 at the Institute of General Psychology in Paris. He clearly linked his way of thinking to how he made his scientifical discoveries.
His mental organization was not only interesting to him but also to Toulouse, a psychologist of the Psychology Laboratory of the School of Higher Studies in Paris. Toulouse wrote a book called Henri Poincaré which was published in 1910. Toulouse noted that Poincaré never spent a long time on a problem since he believed that the subconscious would continue working on the problem while he worked on another problem.(wow this is a lovely theory)
Poincare was originally a mathematician - he performed better in mathematics than all the other students at the prestigious Ecole Polytechnique - but he believed that logic was just a way to structure ideas not to make scientific discoveries. He strongly opposed the philosophical views of Bertrand Russell when he said in his book Science and Hypothesis:
"For a superficial observer, scientific truth is beyond the possibility of doubt; the logic of science is infallible..."
For Henri Poincaré, the way the Real World is working cannot be deduced just from Logics. For him, Mathematics is not Science, it's just an abstraction tool.
Unfortunately today, Bertrand Russell's point of view seems to dominate for today many people do implicitly consider mathematical theorems as Truth in Reality. Since his viewpoint was lost against Bertrand Russell's, it is not astonishing that Shewhart and Deming claimed they have much difficulty to teach their philosophy to the Americans because they said the US Engineers did think Quality Control was just about doing Mathematics whereas Probability was only a mathematical tool inside their theory. Their theory was not just about statistical formulas - these latters were already invented centuries ago - but about how NOT to apply them !I wish all people would do their own introspection. By doing this they may open their mind to true knowledge for information is not knowledge: it must be processed like a raw material. As we are overloaded by informations in our modern world, this process is all the more necessary.
Coming back to the discussion .....when he told me I was least interested I felt it was waste of time but after my extensive browsing,I decided to try it out and I sat down to prepare a list...it real was very interesting...I started thinking and started living my likes too.....why don't you people try .After reading this I know you sure will.I should really thank my friend for bringing the word SELF INTROSPECTION into my mind........ :)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
WOMEN AND FREEDOM
The status of women in the Indian society has changed from time to time ; the position of women in a society is considered as an index to the standard of the social organization .We can divide the past [history] in to three phases to analyse the status of women. They are: ancient India , Medieval India and Modern India.
In ancient India, women enjoyed equal status with man in all fields of life; she was imparted the same education like man. Many Hindu religious books like Vedas, Upanishads, Ramayana, Mahabharata have mentioned the names of several women who were great scholars, poets, philosophers of the time. The wife was 'Ardhangini' which means she is half of her husband. An unmarried man was considered to be an incomplete man. All religious ceremonies were to be performed by the husband along with his wife. This shows the importance given to the women in ancient period.
But in the Medieval period, the status of women went down considerably. She was considered to be inferior to man. Many historians have called this age as the 'dark age'. Her position became very miserable. Decline in the status of women in Indian society began with the Moghul era in India: customs of purdah , sati, child marriage & restrictions on widow marriage were prevalent.
The position of women in modern India has changed considerably. Her position in modern Indian society is equal to that of men, socially, economically, educationally, politically & legally. Her sufferings from Sati, Child marriage, Institution of Temple prostitution are slowly becoming extinct.
Now, she has the right to receive education, inherit & own property, participate in public life & political life of the nation. She has become economically independent. She can seek employment anywhere and does not remain a domestic slave anymore. So, she is certainly enjoying equal status with man in all respect.
In spite of all this, I read and see people still talking about the liberation of women. what is freedom? who has to give women freedom? we talked about freedom for India only when we were under the control of British.Freedom has always been there, but many a time women tend to be rivals to other women. Let us take the case of the dowry evil. Now with education and awareness, a girl can always say that she wont marry a person who demands dowry. Here again mostly it’s the females who are behind the demand.Even assuming a man demands ,if all women join together it can never happen.If everyone stands up against dowry there wont be any harassment for dowry in our society.Then comes the female infanticide.If the ladies are strong enough and are bold to defend there wont be any such infanticide. My father used to say 'girls are Lakshmis but one should be blessed with a boy to do the last rites for the parents' and my contention was the same always.After one dies he is not going to be aware of anything that happens in the world. Then,why should someone be concerned about the rites to be perfomed after his death. Its only the good deeds one does will be of any help rather than the gender of his heirs. Then comes the craze for jewellery! I was really pained to see that jewels or sarees are the centre piecec of conversation even among elite women. I have never seen them discussing any general topics(most of the women folk) .I am really astonished by the way these women fall in love with the jewels.They just keep piling up jewels. Its only a heart of gold that’s needed to run a happy, loving and peaceful home which seems to be lacking these days. Nowadays people think that adjusting and making compromises is wrong because that is considered an act of slavery. By no means intolerance is a symbol of freedom. Of course there are cases where girls are denied education or not allowed to express their views…but personally I feel that we can change the mentality of those people if the educated ones act with responsibility. My cousin in Hyderabad thinks that attending or being a member of a Lady's club is something to do with her status. When I asked her what she does there, she said that they discuss the problems in the society in genral. But what is the use of simply discussing the problems without addressing any. If as a team you are able to educate or inculcate awareness in people who don’t have them then its an achievement. I am ofthe opinion that they merely go to exhibit their new sarees and diamond studs…as Huxley puts it" painted harridans with artificial smiles.". My opinion ... its only in the hands of women to use the freedom we already have instead of waiting for reservations . We have to bring up our children to be independent but loving ,caring and responsible individuals. It is in the hands of women a house is made which in turn is going to build a good nation. As Tamil poet Subramaniya Bharathi sings
உலக வாழ்க்கையின் நுட்பங்கள் தேரவும்,
ஓது பற்பல நூல்வகை கற்கவும்,
இலகு சீருடை நாற்றிசை நாடுகள்
யாவுஞ் சென்று புதுமை கொணர்ந்திங்கே
திலக வாணுத லார்நங்கள் பாரத
தேசமோங்க உழைத்திடல் வெண்டுமாம்;
விலகி வீட்டிலோர் பொந்தில் வளர்வதை
வீரப் பெண்கள் விரைவில் ஒழிப்பாராம்.
சாத்தி ரங்கள் பலபல கற்பாராம்;
சவுரி யங்கள் பலபல செய்வராம்;
மூத்த பொய்ம்மைகள் யாவும் அழிப்பராம்;
மூடக் கட்டுக்கள் யாவுந் தகர்ப்பராம்;
காத்து மானிடர் செய்கை யனைத்தையும்
கடவு ளர்க்கினி தாகச் சமைப்பராம்;
ஏத்தி ஆண்மக்கள் போற்றிட வாழ்வராம்;
இளைய நங்கையின் எண்ணங்கள் கேட்டீரோ!
In ancient India, women enjoyed equal status with man in all fields of life; she was imparted the same education like man. Many Hindu religious books like Vedas, Upanishads, Ramayana, Mahabharata have mentioned the names of several women who were great scholars, poets, philosophers of the time. The wife was 'Ardhangini' which means she is half of her husband. An unmarried man was considered to be an incomplete man. All religious ceremonies were to be performed by the husband along with his wife. This shows the importance given to the women in ancient period.
But in the Medieval period, the status of women went down considerably. She was considered to be inferior to man. Many historians have called this age as the 'dark age'. Her position became very miserable. Decline in the status of women in Indian society began with the Moghul era in India: customs of purdah , sati, child marriage & restrictions on widow marriage were prevalent.
The position of women in modern India has changed considerably. Her position in modern Indian society is equal to that of men, socially, economically, educationally, politically & legally. Her sufferings from Sati, Child marriage, Institution of Temple prostitution are slowly becoming extinct.
Now, she has the right to receive education, inherit & own property, participate in public life & political life of the nation. She has become economically independent. She can seek employment anywhere and does not remain a domestic slave anymore. So, she is certainly enjoying equal status with man in all respect.
In spite of all this, I read and see people still talking about the liberation of women. what is freedom? who has to give women freedom? we talked about freedom for India only when we were under the control of British.Freedom has always been there, but many a time women tend to be rivals to other women. Let us take the case of the dowry evil. Now with education and awareness, a girl can always say that she wont marry a person who demands dowry. Here again mostly it’s the females who are behind the demand.Even assuming a man demands ,if all women join together it can never happen.If everyone stands up against dowry there wont be any harassment for dowry in our society.Then comes the female infanticide.If the ladies are strong enough and are bold to defend there wont be any such infanticide. My father used to say 'girls are Lakshmis but one should be blessed with a boy to do the last rites for the parents' and my contention was the same always.After one dies he is not going to be aware of anything that happens in the world. Then,why should someone be concerned about the rites to be perfomed after his death. Its only the good deeds one does will be of any help rather than the gender of his heirs. Then comes the craze for jewellery! I was really pained to see that jewels or sarees are the centre piecec of conversation even among elite women. I have never seen them discussing any general topics(most of the women folk) .I am really astonished by the way these women fall in love with the jewels.They just keep piling up jewels. Its only a heart of gold that’s needed to run a happy, loving and peaceful home which seems to be lacking these days. Nowadays people think that adjusting and making compromises is wrong because that is considered an act of slavery. By no means intolerance is a symbol of freedom. Of course there are cases where girls are denied education or not allowed to express their views…but personally I feel that we can change the mentality of those people if the educated ones act with responsibility. My cousin in Hyderabad thinks that attending or being a member of a Lady's club is something to do with her status. When I asked her what she does there, she said that they discuss the problems in the society in genral. But what is the use of simply discussing the problems without addressing any. If as a team you are able to educate or inculcate awareness in people who don’t have them then its an achievement. I am ofthe opinion that they merely go to exhibit their new sarees and diamond studs…as Huxley puts it" painted harridans with artificial smiles.". My opinion ... its only in the hands of women to use the freedom we already have instead of waiting for reservations . We have to bring up our children to be independent but loving ,caring and responsible individuals. It is in the hands of women a house is made which in turn is going to build a good nation. As Tamil poet Subramaniya Bharathi sings
உலக வாழ்க்கையின் நுட்பங்கள் தேரவும்,
ஓது பற்பல நூல்வகை கற்கவும்,
இலகு சீருடை நாற்றிசை நாடுகள்
யாவுஞ் சென்று புதுமை கொணர்ந்திங்கே
திலக வாணுத லார்நங்கள் பாரத
தேசமோங்க உழைத்திடல் வெண்டுமாம்;
விலகி வீட்டிலோர் பொந்தில் வளர்வதை
வீரப் பெண்கள் விரைவில் ஒழிப்பாராம்.
சாத்தி ரங்கள் பலபல கற்பாராம்;
சவுரி யங்கள் பலபல செய்வராம்;
மூத்த பொய்ம்மைகள் யாவும் அழிப்பராம்;
மூடக் கட்டுக்கள் யாவுந் தகர்ப்பராம்;
காத்து மானிடர் செய்கை யனைத்தையும்
கடவு ளர்க்கினி தாகச் சமைப்பராம்;
ஏத்தி ஆண்மக்கள் போற்றிட வாழ்வராம்;
இளைய நங்கையின் எண்ணங்கள் கேட்டீரோ!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
WOMEN AND DIRECTIONS
I was a reading an article on women and directions. It went on to say that women were very poor in finding directions and they easily get lost unlike men. Men always have a mental map. When asked directions they always reply ….go straight 25 mts and turn right, whereas women tend to say go straight…there will be a bakery, then shoe store and turn you can see a hotel etc.It reminded me of an incidence that took place some years ago. I was very poor in finding places and even if I had visited the place many times I was always puzzled whenever I was asked to take a bus as I always ended up taking the bus that traveled away from the place I had to reach and it was my husband who always had a nice entertainment and who would always comment that he was very surprised by my inability to find the direction. Actually I really started wondering if something was wrong with my reasoning, logics and my IQ (which I know very well is very less).I was really relieved when we visited my husbands cousin in Mumbai .When she was asked about some place she was baffled (she had been living there right from her birth) and her husband commented that she was very poor in finding places and always went the opposite direction. So I was very happy that I was not alone. Later I came to know many ladies had this problem (men have problem in identifying colors so…) when we were in Germany I always knew from the map which station came next and got down if it wasn’t and got the other side train. I always ended up that way. It was only once or twice that I had traveled in the right direction.
My husband had to go on an official trip to Kiel in Germany and we went with him. There was a beach nearby and we planned to take my daughter there .After our breakfast we started and we heard from his friend that it was only half an hour walk .So we started to walk .I just followed him with my daughter carrying a lot of things to make castle in the sand. We walked, walked and wallllllllked ………but not a trace of water. Another 40 mins nothing. I told my husband that I was very tired and I really doubted if we were moving in the right direction. He just stared at me ….”Of all people u talking about directions kind of look “and told me that he had checked the map. Next thing that was surprising was only few people were walking. Then at last we came to the dead end…I mean dead end truly…it was a graveyard .so after an hour walk we reached this graveyard. I was really wild on thinking that we had to walk another hour to go back .but I was very happy that even my husband got lost getting wrong direction. So whenever he commented I was ready…..” Even you got it wrong. You took us to a graveyard! Nice place to take us”.Eventhough we laughed after reaching home the whole stretch back home was full of arguments. Now when I went to Singapore I found that my daughter was also bad in directions. She always boarded the wrong train and switched direction in the next station….The article finally went to say that women were slower and lack the sense of direction. So at least now I am happy it wasn’t my fault that I always got places wrong.
My husband had to go on an official trip to Kiel in Germany and we went with him. There was a beach nearby and we planned to take my daughter there .After our breakfast we started and we heard from his friend that it was only half an hour walk .So we started to walk .I just followed him with my daughter carrying a lot of things to make castle in the sand. We walked, walked and wallllllllked ………but not a trace of water. Another 40 mins nothing. I told my husband that I was very tired and I really doubted if we were moving in the right direction. He just stared at me ….”Of all people u talking about directions kind of look “and told me that he had checked the map. Next thing that was surprising was only few people were walking. Then at last we came to the dead end…I mean dead end truly…it was a graveyard .so after an hour walk we reached this graveyard. I was really wild on thinking that we had to walk another hour to go back .but I was very happy that even my husband got lost getting wrong direction. So whenever he commented I was ready…..” Even you got it wrong. You took us to a graveyard! Nice place to take us”.Eventhough we laughed after reaching home the whole stretch back home was full of arguments. Now when I went to Singapore I found that my daughter was also bad in directions. She always boarded the wrong train and switched direction in the next station….The article finally went to say that women were slower and lack the sense of direction. So at least now I am happy it wasn’t my fault that I always got places wrong.
Monday, August 4, 2008
A FATHERS LOVE
Usually there is a saying that marriages are made in heaven but mine was discussed during dinner in the dining table. That was when my father broke the news. They had decided everything and wanted to tell me no no it was information. They thought my response would be a happy blush and a smile and usual yes…as I always do what I am told. Here I have to tell you all about my sister. Six years younger to me but we were always together and my mother used to joke that we were inseparable twin but have a gap of 6 years. She was /is still very attached to me. We talk argue and fight but we never allowed even our parents to interfere. I was a very poor eater my sister had to eat everything I couldn’t finish to save me from my parents temper. My mother came to know about this only after our marriage and she was really shocked.. It was our usual dinner time, and it was a habit in our house to have dinner together. We were frightened of our father as he was a perfectionist. so we generally ate silently unless and otherwise my dad started some story or joked about something that took place in office. Actually he had the radio on, only if he had anything important to discuss he switched it off. That was a rare thing as everything was decided by him. That day the radio was switched off. My father started- Mangala do you Venkat mamas brother?…he came to our house last week. My sister interrupted- oh that short man Mangala who wore a bell bottom pants. I saw tension in my fathers eye and stared at her. and she kept her mouth shut. I told him ya u told me he works for nuclear plant in kalpakkam. Yes my father stopped and looking at me he said- we have decided to get you married to that boy. He is a nice man blah blah it continued but nothing got into my ears. I was shocked, marriage me, I was just asking myself -he decided to get me married am I not the one to be asked. But I never said a word but started weeping.My sister was worked up and asked my father why he wanted to send me out of the house. So she went away worried that she will be missing me and my support when she was naughty. The so expected happy scenario was a flop.I got up washed my hands and took a book and settled down thinking. my mom came after all her work was over and she started asking me why I wept? I told her that first place I did not want to get married.She said you don’t decide that you just tell me if you dislike this man we will see some other person. that itself implied if I tell them I don’t like Nagarajan they will tell they know better and all positive qualities. How can I judge a person whom I have never seen or talked? My mom replied that she heard he is a nice ,soft spoken and very simple person. I just kept quiet as I knew now that they had decided they were in it. I lost my usual enthusiasm and always answered in one syllable when my mother talked .she was really worried. She tried to reason with me. The day after next my father announced that the boy was to come to our house. I was actually very angry and nervous. but I was surprised to know that the boy wanted to know if I was agreeable to this marriage. He also told my father that he wanted to talk to me. My father came in and with a stern look said that I have to say a yes as I should know that he does everything for my best. My mom defended me saying that I always agreed to anything they said. My father said…but her eyes are enough to say she isn’t .so when Nagarajan talked at least I was happy that he respected my opinion, and came to know later that we both shared common interests. So it was what will be will be.My marriage was to take place only after a year, so I had lot of instances to know him better. But I was really frightened in my heart.I was just hoping he wasn’t like my father and my friends also made me jumpy telling a man was always different before marriage its only after marriage you come to know the real person (that I can tell now that women folk are also that way).When my husband asked me whether I knew to cook ,two days of our wedding, I told him frankly NO.(actually even my mother pleaded with me I refused to learn), and I was really shocked by his response as I thought either he will advice me to learn before we started for kalpakkam or a WHAT???he coolly said-don’t worry we will buy a cookery book and both of us will try together. wow a yes got me a very good person and I should complete a yes from nagarajan really got him a very immature and conservative girl who always thought that her father was a Hitler (I don’t deny he is male chauvinist as anyone in his generation)and failed to see the loving person he was within. After 10 years of our marriage when I was with my parents and when my father lost his temper and shouted.,I told my mother my Nagarajan is not like appa he will always listen to both sides of the conversation.My father started laughing and seeing the puzzled look in my face asked me- and who really selected you your patient nagarajan.Yes I told my dad this is the very best gift you have given me and I am really thankful.He quickly smiled and told- you are the apple of my eye how will I ever err. Being a mother now I now know how immature I was .I can also now tell that mothers love is very expressive whereas fathers love is always hidden.Even my daughter used to tell me you tell me many times I never feel the pain but when dad tells just once I feel the stab.His stern looks and anger is not because he dislikes his child but because he is unable to bear any pain inflicted in them when a failure comes. Behind those stern looks are tears and love for his kid. When I went to Tambaram last month I wanted coffee ,so I went to light the gas my father stood near me as he does whenever I go near the stove.He started first by telling me to rest and he would bring coffee. I refused, and he said -don’t touch the vessel its hot…I stated laughing telling him I was 44 years and not a kid (had it been 20 years back I would have reacted with a rage in my eyes what I don’t know kind of look).He smiled you are still a kid to me .so I left the place and settled in a chair near him and started talking. When he gave coffee, I asked him why only coffee I am hungry. I was really enjoying the look in his eyes and he started telling shall I make upuma, bajji or bonda..You eat these biscuits….oh my god who else will pamper you other than your parents.I think fathers love just goes unnoticed as mother is always portrayed as a sacrificing figure.
I only remember this poem i had read long time back
A Father's love for his offspring,
Is just like that of a solid gold ring.
No matter what, it is unending,
Never breaking; though.. sometimes bending.
His love is as strong as a mother's; although...
Due to his personality, it sometimes doesn't show.
There is no question of how strong..
Or of its lasting...however long.
I only remember this poem i had read long time back
A Father's love for his offspring,
Is just like that of a solid gold ring.
No matter what, it is unending,
Never breaking; though.. sometimes bending.
His love is as strong as a mother's; although...
Due to his personality, it sometimes doesn't show.
There is no question of how strong..
Or of its lasting...however long.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
ITS ULTIMATELY HOW WE LOOK AT THINGS
Really life is a good teacher. You learn quite a lot from it. Many kinds of people make the world. Some selfish, some generous, some miserly….it goes on. Everyone behaves the way they behave because of their past experiences. My father had a friend who was a real miser. He never spent even for essential things. His son and daughter are earning hefty sums in an IT concern Still. I asked him the reason…he told me that he lost his father when he was 10 years old and his mother had to struggle to bring up himself, his brother and sister. Finally his brother got a job in Mumbai and self in LIC and then they got their sister married. Those days girls weren’t educated and they had to depend on some uncle or cousin which was really a very bad condition.He told…"I know the value of money., but you are a princess in your house and your father just gets you anything you spell out(eventhough he is protective and dominating,he has never said a no to anything we asked) so you just don’t know how cruel life can be and the value of money". I then asked my father "Why he was a spendthrift, even after so many battles in his life?". He has also gone through many difficult phases like his friend. He gave me a different answer. "You see, I had a rough journey in the beginning and also for some time after I got a job. But after settling down and I could breathe I was really happy. When you were born and with mother working we did have problems, but my only wish was I should keep my children very happy…they should enjoy life. Money comes money goes but for certain things we have to spend, if that will make someone happy". Similar situations, both have experienced; but similar experiences taught them both different lessons. I know another friend whose parents never had a good understanding between them. They always fought and it was always chaos at home. She used to come crying to me. I always told her that nothing can be changed and she has to face it. That, She did not have any choice. Even though she wept she was strong within .Now she is married and has a kid. She had invited me for her child’s first birthday. I asked her if she was happy. And she told, " of course and I know how I should not be a bad wife to my husband and a bad mom to my kid". But her brother was very weak in mind and he has been mentally afflicted. Another friend of my father had two sons. My father's friend and his wife too had a lot of misunderstanding and he used to ill-treat his wife a lot. After his marriage, their elder son was like his father, a male chauvinist, whereas the younger son was different. Having seen his mother suffer, he wanted his wife also to have a say. So it’s ultimately how we see things that matter. I happened to meet one of my childhood friends a few months back. Actually she was very rich and was married to a business man. She invited us to her house. It was really a big independent house and well maintained. I was really happy to see her bubbling and her husband too was very friendly. When we asked how his business was moving, we were in for a surprise. He said that he has quit business. He earlier had a business partner of same age as he is who died suddenly. This came as a shock to him. He said he started to see life differently. He said "I just watch as everything happens as it is destined .I have enough wealth to support my family and so I don’t work .I try to remain unaffected by things happening around". I asked my friend how she feels; she told me "I cannot change him, no other option but to keep quiet. Sometimes I do get irritated". Because he had a lot of property there was not much problem running the household. We can term it as laziness or is he a yogi?!!!!!!. But my friend's son behaved in a similar way.He was 28 years and he has done MBA.But he refused to go for a job .He got quiet a lot of opportunities with really a handsome salary. But he refused saying some reason or other. His argument was " I am content by praying God and everything is happening as per destiny and I am an observer". We advised him because we conisdered him to be impracical. Because our efforts proved futile, we took him to a psychiatrist. Now I look at it in a different way. Why did we not think that my friend's husband who has turned philosophical needs psychiatric treatment and flet the same way as this young MBA? Was it because of money? This man could support his family because of the wealth he had whereas this young boy wasn’t rich. Same ideas but we attribute differnt meanings to similar behaviour. The way we see them was different. My mother, she was always a friend to me . We used to talk about everything under the sky. It is only now , at this age, I am able to converse with my father that way- but still certain limitations are there .I really miss her.When I was 10 years old, once I got my ankle sprained badly. The pain was terrible. My mother applied turpentine and was asking me to eat food. I was weeping and I told her that it hurt me terribly and I don’t feel like eating.She was talking to me softly (she always does that way)and she told me in a matter of fact tone, "Do you know darling, that absence of pain itself is a pain for a lame man. This pain will go off in two days .Be patient". I got angry, I raised my voice and told her "it’s my foot"…She knew from my tone that I was feeling bad and gave me a painkiller and made me sleep. I went to school after two days. I saw a blind man making chairs.He was there always, but this time as I noticed, my mother's words "absence of pain" rang in my ears .Now I understood the meaning. I knew that I was lucky enough and he was blind by chance and not out of option. That is when I learnt the first lesson of helping others when they needed. Earlier when the blind man wanted to cross the road I used to just go off with my friends with a "someone will help them" attitude (I have mentioned this many times to my mom and she used to tell me "because they need help ,they are asking. Ddon’t treat them like this". But I was just 10 years old).Now I started thinking, why not me. So she made me see the world differently. Thanks to her that I try to do something. Even before her death she told me, " I don’t want ceremonies to be conducted on my death day, just give the orphans a nice meal or buy them clothes and books. Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think."
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
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